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I have a new drug that fixes ANY, I repeat ANY problem you have…

Posted 06/18/2015 3:14 pm by

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I have a new drug that fixes ANY, I repeat ANY problem you have, taken once daily, all your worries will go away. It’s that simple!

I would give you a nice 45 second commercial, showing ordinary people doing ordinary things. However, you already know your life sucks, and you need this product, so “call your doctor today” to see if my latest, completely irresponsible pharmaceutical cure is right for you!

SmilingBob

Side effects may include:

Inability to breathe
Temporary tooth loss
Severe anal bleeding
Redundancy
Redundancy
Ignorance
Complete collapse of civilization
Puppy kicking
testicular inversion
inner-ear euphoria
olfactory hallucinations
toe jam
Spontaneous Ejaculation
Idiopathic Colitis
Ramndo Dylseixa
Sticky Wicket
Bee’s Knees
excessive nasal mucous
sudden and unexplained onset of cursing in baby voice
eye farts
appearance of extra digits (hands/feet)
uncontrollable obsession with Liberace
swallowing of tongue
Suicidal thoughts and tendencies
intermittent ignorance
Redundancy
Skeletal Muscle Relaxation
Acute Hyperphasia
Dyslexia
Liberal Gynoperception (or Androperception in women)
Public Micturation
Unwanted Pregnancy
Micropenis
Reverse Peristalsis
Rotary Supination
Acute Amnesia
Dehydration
Auroral Hypersensitivity
Death
Redundancy
Speaking in a foreign language
Appearance of new religions
Abduction by aliens
Soreness in hair
Vaginal collapse
Loss of ability to use the internet
oozing (generalized)
vague sensation of being alive
crankiness
all-consuming evil thoughts and deeds
90 degree angular defect in penis
fervent punctuality
vociferous syndrome, type 2 (non-gregarious)
feeling better than you ever thought you could (the drug boys really hate that one)
inability to identify Coke vs. Pepsi
Redundancy

 

Please call for your free sample today!

Feel free to add some more lovely “side effects” to the comments.

 
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