Punxsutawney Phil Found Dead
BREAKING NEWS: Punxsutawney PA (AP) – “Punxsutawney Phil” was found dead this morning at his home on Gobblers Knob. A full investigation is currently underway but all early indications point to a single self inflicted gunshot wound to the head, though police officials have not ruled out foul play.
Phil has been under increasing scrutiny ever since his February 2, 2016 prediction of an early spring. The weather has showed no signs of an early spring, in fact most of the northern US is currently in the midst of snow flurries.
“Punxsutawney Phil” is considered by many as the world’s most famous prognosticating rodent. However his much anticipated weather predictions have missed their mark in most recent years, causing Phil to fall into a deep depression.
Phil also stared in a 1993 featured film “Groundhog Day” where he played himself and two years later made a guest appearance on the “Oprah Winfrey Show”.
Phil is survived by his wife Phyllis and 352 children.
CURSE YOU GLOBAL WARMING!