My Public Endorsement for President, 2016!
With the Iowa caucus behind us, I have officially made up my mind who I will be voting for, in this Presidential race. I have looked at the data and decided to endorse the candidate that best embodies the character and policies of all the other candidates.
I am officially endorsing General Zod for President.
A Vote for Inclusion
At first, I thought that General Zod being a space alien, and not a natural born citizen of the U.S., would be a roadblock to his ascension to power. Fortunately, after seeing how the Ted Cruz campaign has flicked away any rational concern about his citizenship status like dandruff, I think it’s safe to say General Zod’s “undocumented status” is a PR campaign away from being forgotten. Only hateful speciesists would keep an undocumented alien from being allowed to run for President. We all should thank the Obama administration for paving the way for Cruz and Zod’s candidacy while simultaneously groveling at the feet of the only candidate worthy of holding this Nations highest office.
A Vote for Peace
Some might argue that General Zod’s policies would cast the world into eternal war. This is utter nonsense. Hillary Clinton’s track record of support war has left a path of smoldering, charred bodies in her wake, and has yet to slow her down. If American’s love anything, it’s war. General Zod can provide eternal bloody conflict for generations, and by generations, I mean generation to come. General Zod wields space lasers, space ships and space suits, any war waged will be over as quickly as it starts. Commander in Chief General Zod can start the war to end all wars while the other candidates promise only endless expensive conflict.
A Vote for Equality
Bernie Sanders talks a good game when it comes to “equality”, but Bernie really views America as having two distinct classes, the Billionaire Class and the rest of us. This hardly qualifies as equality. Under General Zod’s magnificent leadership American will truly be a Socialist Nation of the future. There will be only one class, the Human Class, and it will be exterminated, the true vision of all Socialist/Communist nations.
Bernie Sanders has repeatedly thumped the drums of Global Warming and the need for radical action against it’s “deniers”. General Zod will eradicate Global Warming by eliminating the cause, the Human Class. Unlike Bernie Sander’s plan, General Zod’s plan to wipe out billions is actionable, because he possesses superior alien space technology. His gravity pulse weapon will terraform the Earth into a world that no longer is threatened by SUV exhaust and cow flatulence. America will be the thousand points of light in a New Order of the ages, a New Kryptonian Order.
A Vote for Health
Concerns have been circulating for months about the decrepit age of the current candidates. Bernie and The Donald are in their 70’s, Hillary has chronic health conditions, but General Zod is the very model of perfect health. His Kryptonian physiology, (which is enhanced by Earth’s yellow sun), makes him impervious to disease, aging and almost all physical harm. General Zod mocks all the normal ways politicians die.
General Zod is in the peak of perpetual physical health and is set to take the Dictatorial stage that Bush and Obama have paved the way for. General Zod will become a permanent fixture in the American landscape for the next generation to come.
A Vote for Change
General Zod has openly stated his policy on eugenics. This is a far cry from the Elite’s hidden eugenics campaign being secretly waged against the citizens of the world over the past decades. From sterilizing vaccines to outright poisoning of the masses, General Zod can get the job done. The Elite have sluggishly instituted a “slow kill” policy while ensuring they live outside the GMO-sphere, eating healthy organic produce. General Zod’s campaign will include everyone and all will be scheduled for expiration. After the earth is cleansed, the future will finally be secure.
A Vote for Empire
Does our current candidate selection represents the very best of the best our society has to offer? America would never let the highest office of the land go to anyone that wasn’t worthy of the honor. General Zod is the clear embodiment of all the current candidates. The only difference between General Zod and the other candidates is, General Zod will solve the (human) problem over night, the current candidates will solve it slowly, circling the drain for decades.
America is no longer a Republic, it’s an Empire. What better leader to bring us forth into the next twenty-five minutes after his inauguration, than a man that wears his ambition on his sleeve? General Zod has never hidden who he really is, a vote for Zod is a vote for certainty.
General Zod is leadership we can count on.
Make mine Zod!